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Copy Matters – One Sentence Can Ruin a Sale

I went into NYC yesterday with my wife for a nice day out.  We wandered around and overall acted like tourists.  We went to Bryant Park near Times Square and they set up this pretty awesome Christmas Village.  There were all of these little vendors selling cool art.  We got to a vendor who was selling these clocks that looked like dogs with a wagging tail.  Now, I don’t like this kind of crap but I thought that my parents and grandparents might as a gift for the holidays.  I’m terrible with gift buying so any opportunity that I see something people may like I buy it.
So I’m looking at these clocks and debating whether to get them or not.  Will my parents and grandparents like them was going through my head.  So i’m on the fence but I decide what the hell I’ll get them.  They were $39.99 each.  So I say to the guy….”any deal for 2?”  I can afford (2) $39.99 clocks just fine, but your a sucker if you don’t at least ask nicely for a deal.  Even if the guy said I can’t do anything, I would have bought them.  The guy says to me, “this year we have a special deal, 2 for $90, we’ve decided to only do deals that benefit us.”  So I look at the guy like he’s an asshole (which he is) and say “I was going to buy them, but I don’t like that sales line so now I’m not” and walked away.  I was 100% going to buy the clocks too.

It just goes to show, be careful of the sales copy you use.  Sometimes when you think your being witty or trying to create urgency or whatever, all your really doing is turning off prospects that are on the fence.  Copy Matters

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5 Comments

  1. Nice story… You just explained what a salesperson should not be like. People don’t like being taken for a ride, and the same is true with copywriting. You can only build rapport when you create reciprocity, that is what the guy forgot.

  2. Awesome story. I would have done the same. Thanks for the tip on not turning off someone who is actually on the fence of buying.

  3. Good story, Bad salesman. Every salesperson worth their salt has some wiggle room built into their price. Just goes to show that their is skill involved with selling.

  4. Good story, Bad salesman. Every salesperson worth their salt has some wiggle room built into their price. Just goes to show that there is skill involved with selling.

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